I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize