there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
