he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
