woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
