I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
