if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
