I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
