This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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