Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize