Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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