i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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