how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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