It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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