this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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