ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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