Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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