U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i think i just lost a toe
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
