he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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