Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
