Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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