I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
