Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
