Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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