she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
