so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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