I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
