i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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