I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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