Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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