why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
