Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He kissed a someone with a penis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
