Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
