here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
