btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
