he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
