2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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