On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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