Are we in a gay sports bar?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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