he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
