I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
