You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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