she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
