Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
