Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
