apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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