i will never coherently bang her
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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