: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
