Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
