Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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