So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
