I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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