Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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