I'm really into asian looking animals
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
