Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
