i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
