One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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