I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
