I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
