eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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