So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
