TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize